3 Style

Learn—Style

Introduction

Different types of writing have different purposes. For example, creative writing is meant to entertain. Consequently, creative writers take all sorts of liberties with their sentence structures and word choices.

Look at this example:

Strictly speaking, this example makes one point: Nelson won’t dance because he is too unsure. However, the use of figurative language reveals a great deal about Nelson’s state of mind.

We do not read poetry or novels to learn how to perform tasks but for the pure pleasure of the words and their artistic effect. Literary works are not meant to have one unambiguous meaning. Professional writing, on the other hand, is meant to inform and instruct. Very few people choose to read instructions for designing a website. You only read them when you want or need to design a website, and you will not want to read more than is necessary. Readers rightly expect instructions to be free of ambiguities. They simply want to achieve their goal quickly and correctly. Using a professional writing style is one way of ensuring that your writing is as clear as possible. But what is writing style?

At its most simple level, style is how formal or informal our language is. Look at these examples:

The first example is very informal. The writer leaves out words, uses slang, and replaces words like “questions” with symbols. This level of informality can lead to confusion and isn’t a good choice for professional purposes.

The second example is more formal and easier to understand.

Style choices like the level of formality, the words you use, and the order of those words all affect how well, or even if, your writer will understand what you are writing. In this chapter, we discuss methods for creating a clear writing style that will allow you to meet your readers’ needs.

Use Strong Subjects and Verbs

Strong sentences have strong subjects that appear at the beginning of the sentence. Strong subjects are important because they help you meet your readers’ expectations by immediately giving them an important piece of information—who is doing what. When the subject of our sentence has no meaning, the reader will struggle to find meaning:

What is this sentence trying to say?

What is the subject of this sentence? Did you think it was “job loss”? It makes sense for job loss to be the subject of the sentence because that is what the sentence seems to be about, but actually the grammatical subject of this sentence is there.

Because the subject there has no meaning, this sentence is difficult to understand without a lot of unnecessary work. It is never a good idea to use there as the subject of a sentence. It is also best to have human actors as subjects whenever possible. Look at this revision:

Strong subjects should do the action in the sentence.

Make Your Subjects Actors

Generally speaking, it is best to have people act as the subject of sentences when possible. For example:

The subject of this sentence is “it.” But who and what are really doing the action?

The second sentence is shorter and clearer because a strong subject, “companies,” is doing the action, “needing.”

Frequently, when sentences have weak subjects, the sentence also has a passive verb, which is why it is better to use active voice when you can.

As we learned earlier, what type of verb a sentence contains will determine whether the sentence has a subject that is capable of action.

Active Constructions

Transitive and intransitive verbs normally follow subjects that are capable of action—people or things:

Each of these sentences has an active construction because the subject of the sentence is doing the action of the verb:

Copular Constructions

Linking verbs and to-be verbs allow us to create sentences that define or describe—a copular construction:

Basic Copular Constructions

The subject of a sentence that uses a linking verb or to-be verb can be a person, thing, object, or concept. The subject does not need to be capable of acting because the to-be verb does the action of saying the subject is or is like the subject complement:

Sentences that use to-be and linking verbs are not passive even though they contain to-be verbs. Sentences that follow a subject-verb-subject complement structure allow writers to compare one thing to another or describe one thing as another. These types of copular constructions are very useful when describing or defining abstract concepts because they allow writers to compare the unknown to the known:

So unless you have a specific reason for using passive voice (which we discuss next), you should use one of these constructions:

As with all of your communication choices, the answer to whether to use passive voice depends on the rhetorical situation. For some audiences, purposes, and reasons, passive voice is the best choice. For example, you might need to let your coworkers know that the coffeemaker is broken, but you don’t necessarily need to identify who broke it. It was you! In other contexts, however, such as instructions, passive is not a good choice because the reader needs to know who should do what:

But before we can decide when to use passive voice, we have to learn to recognize it.

Recognize Passive Constructions

We call some verb structures “passive” because within the grammatical structure of the sentence, no actor is present to do the action of the verb, or the actor is present in the sentence but is not the subject of the sentence:

In this sentence, the subject is “data.” The action of the sentence is “collected,” but the subject cannot do the action. “Astronauts” should be doing the collecting, but they are in the prepositional phrase that ends the sentence. Look at this revision:

In this version of the sentence, “astronauts” is the grammatical subject of the sentence, and they do the action of “collecting.” Passive constructions must meet three criteria:

1. The grammatical subject of the sentence is not capable of acting.
2. The sentence contains a to-be verb (am, is, are, was, were, be, been, being, have been).
3. The to-be verb is followed by a past participle (a verb with an -ed form; irregular verbs are an exception to this).

Look at the previous example:

As you can see, it meets all three criteria to be passive voice. Look at the five sentences below and determine which are examples of passive voice.

1. Yesterday, I discovered that my department’s copier didn’t work.
2. Apparently, the copier had been broken.
3. I didn’t want to take the blame for the broken copier, but I also didn’t want to report the problem.
4. The copier is expensive, and the repair will be costly.
5. The issue will have to be reported by someone other than me.

Don’t Make This Mistake

Look at these examples:

Each of these sentences contains a to-be verb, but they do not contain past participles. In this case, we have a subject, a to-be verb, and a subject complement. These sentences DO NOT have passive constructions.

When Is Passive Voice a Poor Choice?

Passive constructions are poor choices for two reasons:

1. They do not answer the question “Who did it?”
2. They are wordy.

In many cases, who did the action of the sentence is as important or more important than what was done.

Look at these examples:

All of these sentences can be revised to reduce the number of words and make it clear who it was and who did what:

The bolded verbs make these sentences active

In each of these sentences, we know who was or is responsible for the action of the verb.

Sometimes, however, what was done is more important than who did it, or we may not know who did it. We may even want to protect the person who did it or want to avoid laying blame. Look at these examples:

If something is stolen, we usually don’t know who stole it, so we have to use passive voice. In the second sentence, we might want to avoid saying who rejected the proposal in order to keep the process objective. Another way to make sentences strong is to keep the actor and the action side by side.

Keep Actor and Action Together

As we discussed previously, depending on the sentence type, a sentence may contain one or more subjects as well as multiple verbs. A sentence can also contain one or more phrases. Look at this example:

In this sentence, a relative clause and a phrase come between the subject and the verb. Look at this revision:

By placing the subject and verb together, we have strengthened the sentence. We can also confuse a sentence’s meaning by separating the subject and the verb with unnecessary information or by placing the subject somewhere besides the beginning of the sentence:

This sentence contains many phrases and modifiers that obscure its meaning, and the verbs come before the subjects. Look at this revision. We now have a subject doing the action of the sentence:

When writing, less is almost always more! This is true of single words as well.

Eliminate Unnecessary Words

Writers often use more words than are necessary. This problem can have several causes:

• Unnecessary repetition
• Weak subjects
• Weak verbs
• Not letting the verb do the action of the sentence

Unnecessary Repetition

Sometimes, writers repeat words for effect—I came, I saw, I conquered—but professional writing is about function, not effect. Look at this sentence:

Do the extra on and extra more add to the sentence’s meaning, or do they just get in the way of the writer’s point? Also, the writer uses the verb go rather than letting talking do the action of the subject. Let’s get rid of the extra words:

This revised sentence makes the point more clearly and succinctly.

Weak Subjects

Look at this sentence:

The subject of this sentence is there, and the verb is are. Because are is a to-be verb, it is followed by the subject complement things. So this is the core sentence:

Because both the subject and the complement have no meaning, the sentence has no meaning. The reader must look to the dependent clause that comes last to find out what the sentence is trying to say:

Because it begins with the relative pronoun that, the clause is dependent, but it does have an actor, I, doing something, want. Let’s revise the sentence by making I the subject and placing it first:

Now we have someone doing something. Passive constructions and verbs with no action also cause wordiness.

Weak Verbs

As we discussed earlier, sometimes you will want to use passive voice. However, is this sentence one of those times?

The subject of this sentence is desire, and we know that desire was planted by the writer’s teacher. Why not let the teacher be the subject of the sentence so they can do the action?

By revising this sentence to remove the passive voice and add an actor as the subject, we removed the extra words and made the point much clearer. We also make our sentences wordy when we turn verbs into nouns.

Verbs Should Be Actions

Sometimes, writers take verbs and use them as nouns. In this sentence, investigate is being used as a noun rather than a verb:

Because we made investigate a noun, investigation, we have to add another verb, conducted, to do the action. Adding the extra verb makes the sentence wordy and less accurate. Let’s turn investigation back into a verb:

Now the sentence is shorter and more accurate. Look at this sentence:

In this sentence, the writer makes the verb to choose into a noun. How would you revise it?

See the difference? Structure is not the only way to build a strong sentence. You also have to choose the best words.

Making Appropriate Word Choices

We can replace many words with other words that mean almost the same thing. For example, look at these lists of synonyms:

Use

utilize, operate, employ

Exercise

set in motion, put to use, work, wield

Yes

affirmative, aye, true, correct, certainly, surely, agreed

Hypothesis

question, postulation, supposition, theory, opinion

Given that you have a large number of words to choose from every time you write a single sentence, the question is, How do you make the right choice? You always choose the word that will communicate most effectively to your audience. For example, match the best word choice to the audience:

Word choices

• Hypothesis
• Question
• Opinion

Audiences

• Sixth-grade science students
• Law students
• College chemistry majors

Answers for matching word choice to audience

When deciding what word to use, remember these guidelines:

Choose the word the audience expects

When you ask a friend if she wants to go to the movie, you probably don’t expect her to say, “Aye.” “Yes” or “sure” would be fine. However, if you were taking an official vote at a meeting, the chair will say, “All in favor, say aye.” Context matters.

Most of the time simple is best

Very rarely do you need to use “utilize” rather than “use.” Those sorts of twenty-dollar words sound pretentious, and they don’t add any additional meaning.

Use technical terms when appropriate

If you are writing for a group of experts, use technical terms. For example, if you are writing for accountants, use the term “accrue.” They understand that term and its professional meaning. On the other hand, don’t use that word in common conversation: “If I continue to accrue more shoes, I will need a bigger closet.” Really?

Use consistent terms

Many writers believe that using synonyms rather than repeating the same word multiple times adds variety to their writing. No. When you refer to the “report” in one sentence, the “paper” in the next, and the “memo” in the last, you leave your reader wondering if you are talking about one document or three!

Simple doesn’t mean simplistic

Simple means concise and elegant. Simplistic means dull, plain, and lacking. Simple writing uses clear words that convey their meaning with as little potential for misinterpretation as possible. However, in order to convey a clear meaning, you must also use precise words.

For example, if you are writing instructions for baking cookies, you can’t tell your reader to “warm the oven.” What does “warm” mean? Does it mean 200 degrees, 400 degrees, 500 degrees? You must be specific and say, “Heat the oven to 350 degrees.”

If you were writing a safety manual for water safety professionals, you wouldn’t say, “Cover your face up with something when you work with dangerous chemicals.” Cover your face with what? A bandana? A ski mask? You would tell them to wear a respirator. Because of their training, they will be familiar with this term.

Assess—Style

1. Strong sentences should begin with strong subjects and have human actors whenever possible.
   a. True
   b. False
2. What is the difference between transitive/intransitive verbs and linking/to-be verbs?
   a. Transitive and intransitive verbs normally follow subjects that are capable of performing the action in real life.
   b. Transitive and intransitive verbs are actions that can literally be done.
   c. Transitive and intransitive verbs describe the subject and often indicate passive voice.
3. Which three criteria must be met for a sentence to be passive? Select all that apply.
   a. The grammatical subject is not capable of performing the action.
   b. The sentence contains a to-be verb.
   c. The sentence has a past participle (verb ending in “ed”) after a to-be verb (with some exceptions).
   d. The sentence separates the subject and the verb with a phrase.
   e. The thing capable of performing the action appears at the end of the sentence.
4. Which of the following are passive voice? Select all that apply.
   a. The lawn was mowed by my brother.
   b. Our collection is admired by several people.
   c. Keith was unhappy.
   d. The puppy is sleeping.
5. A sentence is harder to understand when the subject and verb are separated.
   a. True
   b. False
6. Which sentences could be rewritten to have the actor and action closer together? Select all that apply.
   a. The tortoise, which had lived in this lake for twenty years, suddenly went missing.
   b. Late in the evening, Sally, exhausted from the long walk home, noticed that she’d forgotten her cell phone back at school.
   c. I couldn’t believe that my grandpa went on a solo ski trip without telling us.
7. Scientific and professional writing is about function, not effect.
   a. True
   b. False
8. What can cause sentences to become wordier than necessary? Select all that apply.
   a. Using unnecessary repetition
   b. Not making the subject the actor
   c. Using passive voice
   d. Not letting the verb do the action of the sentence
9. What does it mean for a subject to be “an actor”?
   a. The grammatical subject of a sentence would be able to perform the action described in the sentence in real life (the action might not be the grammatical verb).
   b. The verb of a sentence makes sense given the subject.
   c. The grammatical subject of a sentence would be able to have the action described in the sentence done to it in real life.
10. Which sentences have subjects that are actors? Select all that apply.
    a. There are many things that I want to learn from this course.
    b. My CDs were cleaned and reorganized.
    c. She went crowd-surfing at the concert.
    d. I cleaned and reorganized my CDs.
    e. What was expected was not this.
    e. Sandy shredded his new chew toy in ten minutes.
11. Which sentences use verbs as nouns that could be better used to do the action of the sentence? Select all that apply.
    a. The investigation of the incident was conducted by the city police.
    b. The performance of the team was fantastic.
    c. The kitty’s stalking of the bird was silent.
    d. Our gaming disturbed his sleep.
    e. My coach knew just want to do.
12. In professional writing, it’s better to use the same word to repeatedly refer to something rather than using several synonyms.
    a. True
    b. False
13. In professional writing, using big words and technical jargon is preferred over plain language.
    a. True
    b. False
14. What are good guidelines to follow when choosing the words you will use in your writing? Select all that apply.
    a. Use plain words.
    b. Use words with a clear, precise meaning.
    c. Use terms suitable for your audience.
    d. Use highly technical words.
    e. Use the simplest words possible, even if it sacrifices some of your meaning.
    f. Use words that no one other than your audience will know.

Engage—Style

How would you review these sentences?

Provide a revision for each, then respond to at least three of your classmates and let them know how they did.

1. There are books that may be dismissed with a single reading.
2. It is seldom that a student does equally well in all of his or her subjects.
3. The discovery of the American continent was made by Columbus, a native of Italy.
4. There are times in the life of everyone when new and strange things occur with such rapidity that one is hardly able to catch one’s breath.
5. It is probable that the Southern states would not have begun the Civil War had the Southern people realized the great wealth and resources of the North.
6. Every day I make observations of other writers.
7. I am more prepared than I have ever been before to effectively and successfully write professional documents professionally.
8. The report was written by the engineers.

Apply—Style

The following assignment is based on this scenario:

Your work in the claims department for Pets Are People Too. Recently, your company had to recall a very popular cat tower because it kept collapsing and posed a safety risk to both cats and their people. However, because the tower is expensive—$800—people who didn’t purchase the product are illegally asking for refunds. In order to ensure they are only offering refunds to legal customers, the company is changing its refund policy.

The company’s CFO, Chris Craft, drafted the email below to explain the new verification process and asked you to review it. After reading it, you believe the style and tone could be improved:

Your Task

For this assignment, complete the following steps:

1. Identify any errors in style and tone in the email.
2. Write a brief memo to Chris that:

• Summarizes three issues you found. Support your recommendations by citing your course materials.
• Suggests changes that will address the issues you identified. Support your recommendations by citing your course materials.

As you write, remember to use an indirect approach. You are giving Chris bad news.

Assignment Rubric